What if?: Hetalia Version
by HetaliaLover96
Summary: What if..? Ah, a classic question. But what if we decided to mess around with the countries a bit? What if Switzerland was your next door neighbor? Rated T for sexual references and most likely language later on.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so this is a Hetalia fanfic. I really love Hetalia, so if you don't and this isn't what you're looking for, there's the back button in the left corner.**

**Warning: Violence towards children, pervertedness**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia, sadly, for if I did, there would be more Prussia and Sealand WOULD be a country.**

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

What if you were Switzerland's next door neighbor?

Little Jimmy Sunshine just moved to Switzerland with his family. They moved next door to Switzerland, who owns many guns that are placed all over his home, with easy access to all of them. He has a really big front yard and many things get lost there. There are people who lost things from baseballs to dolls. But no one dares to go and get them. Why? The reason is because he would shoot at anyone who dared to venture into his yard or on his property. There were several people who _didn't_ come back, but let's not focus on that.

Jimmy decided to play basketball with his new friends one sunny afternoon. He accidently threw the ball too hard and it flew into Switzerland's yard. Jimmy decided to do something stupid and hop the fence much to his friends' dismay. They begged and pleaded for him to not retrieve the ball and to just let it go, but he wouldn't listen to anything that they said to him. He happily and stupidly proceeded with his first plan. Soon his head disappeared over the fence.

All seemed calm, until there were loud noises coming from over the fence. There was lots of gun fire and screaming. All of the sudden, there was a lot of cursing and shouting from Switzerland. His friends all started to cry and prepare to order a coffin. They had a spot reserved in the cemetery for his funeral. It then fell silent. Then they heard the loud pop of a ball being deflated, and the remains were thrown over the fence. They looked at the ball. There were blood stains covering every inch of it. Jimmy never came back from his journey over the fence. Poor little Jimmy Sunshine.

Moral of the story: Never try to get your possessions back from Switzerland's lawn. You won't come back alive.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

What if France decided to hit on Hungary?

One day, France decided that he needed to hit on the countries he hasn't hit on yet. The only county he didn't hit on was Hungary and Belarus, and he wasn't going to take his chances with Belarus. So he decided to hit on Hungary. But he was hungry first, so he decided to go get something to eat. But it must have been his lucky day. Fate played a cruel trick on Hungary and he met her at the little sandwich shop he went to.

France walked over to her so fast that even a ninja wouldn't have seen him. He then pulled up a chair next to Hungary and waited for her to notice. She had her face buried into the menu. Then he silently got up and grabbed her hand and kissed it. He then spoke with the sultriest voice he had:

"Hello there, sweetie. What are you doing today?" he asked, kissing her hand once more.

"Not you," she replied with venom in her voice. "Can you leave me alone, I am trying to have lunch in peace." She then turned back and looked over the menu again.

"Ah, but my love, you are my soul mate! And we must be together and have many children together! I will love you more than anyone ever would. Be with me and you will see my true intentions!" He finished his dazzling speech glowing and shining with sparkles in his eyes.

"You know, I think I know your true intentions already," she stated calmly and innocently. "I think all you are trying to do is get me in bed with you! So here is my response." She then grabbed a frying pan out of nowhere and hit France so hard that he got a nose bleed and fell on the floor, passed out with his soul flying out from his body. Poor France learned his lesson.

Moral of the story: If you are France, never hit on Hungary when she is hungry. You'll end up in heaven faster than you can say _mon cher__~!_

**A/N: Wow...That took a bit of time and a lot of confusion. Btw: _mon cher_ means my dear in French. Please rate and review! Give me ideas, too! I love ideas! Don't be too harsh on me, this is my first one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so here's another chapter. I already had it written out, so I just put it up along with the first one. I forgot to do this before, but i give some credit to my friends, who helped me when we created this on a whim at a sleep over. **

**Warning: Violence (again) towards younger people, horrible Germany (sorry to the Germany fans out there, I kinda made him the bad guy. -_-")**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, because if I did, England and I would take over Hogwarts together and make my sister the Headmaster (she really wants to be the Headmaster)!**

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

What if you piss off Germany?

A little girl named Daisy Pettus decided to do something very dangerous one summer day. Out of sheer boredom, she decided to mess around with Germany. She ran up to Germany, gave him a big smile, and then kicked him as hard as she could in the balls. Germany fell to the floor clutching his private area and cursed in his native language at her. She decided to run away in that exact moment. She knew that if she stayed any longer, she would have been killed as soon as he could move again. She ran all the way home and then called her friend to tell her what she did to Germany. They spent hours laughing about it.

Germany knew exactly who Daisy was. She was the daughter of the couple who ran the butcher shop in downtown Berlin. He decided to call her parents and let them know that he was coming. They asked why he was coming for a visit, and he said that he would explain everything when he got there. He said good-bye and then walked to his car and started to drive there. That little girl was in for it now.

When Germany arrived at Daisy's house, he stopped at the front door for a minute. He straightened himself up and then knocked on the door. The nice couple answered the door and invited him in. He thanked them and went inside. He sat down on the couch when they directed him towards it and then told them that he was there for something very serious to talk about. They sat down and put on their serious faces.

"Yesterday," Germany started, "your daughter, Daisy, thought it would be funny to randomly kick my, err…private area. She then ran away laughing. I would like to put her through a one day training camp as a small punishment. Do you mind?" He then sat up straight and looked at the couple.

"Our daughter did that?" The wife then shouted really loudly towards the upstairs. "DAISY! Get down here now!" Then the father stood up and waited. Daisy came running down stairs.

"Yes, mother? What is it? Eek! What's he doing here?" Daisy looked at Germany with fear in her eyes. Germany looked with a serious face even though on the inside he was smirking with satisfaction. Her father explained everything and then said that she was going through with that. She looked down, defeated, and then, against her will, agreed. They set out for his training grounds immediately.

Germany started with some conditioning. She had to run ten laps around the track that was set up. Every time she refused to do something, he would threaten to take away her cell phone and she would have to do a set of ten push-ups. She only had to do the set three times before she learned her lesson. He would tell her to army crawl through tall grass, climb a tree, he would throw grenades and she would have to run away. He would shoot at her and she would have to dodge. She did a number of horrible, unspeakable things before she finally got to come home. When she came home, she was traumatized and went straight to bed. When her parents told her to shower first, she didn't fight them like she usually would have. Instead, her eyes looked right at her parents and she said "okay mother" and went to take a shower. She spent the rest of her life as a lifeless, boring stick in the mud kind of girl. Poor little Daisy Pettus vowed to never bug anyone out of sheer boredom again.

Moral of the story: Never inflict physical or mental harm upon Germany out of sheer boredom. You will become a lifeless, soulless, empty shell of a body who obeys every command given because of one day in Germany's boot camp.

Surgeon General's Warning: Inflicting bodily or mental harm upon Germany is highly not recommended. It is dangerous to your health and it is advised that you stay away from this man if at all possible.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

What if Italy didn't like pasta anymore?

One day, while Italy was in training camp with Japan and Germany, he accidentally did something horribly wrong. He threw a grenade at a clearing, which just so happened to be Germany's house. When Germany heard the boom, he came running towards him asking, or rather shouting, what happened to his house. When Italy explained, Germany took a deep breath and flung him over his shoulder. He got into his car and drove off.

They reached the woods in about one hour and then Germany shoved him out of the car. He then took a survival knife and threw it at him. Italy freaked out when he saw the knife headed his way and took a few hurried steps backwards. The knife landed on the hard ground with a noticeable half thud half clang sound. Germany took a deep breath and gave him a mini lecture.

"You have drawn the last straw today, Italy. You blew up my home. So now, you will pay. You stay out here for three weeks, with no pasta. You have to make it on your own. I will come back to this very spot in three weeks. Don't die and no pasta. Good-bye." Germany then drove off and Italy tried to follow. But Germany then fired at him and Italy walked back to where the knife was. He picked it up and started on his journey of survival for three weeks.

Three weeks passed, and Germany came by. Italy was there waiting for him and looked like he died ten thousand times. Germany told him politely to get in after seeing how dead Italy looked. He then offered to take Italy out for some food. Not even that seemed to cheer Italy up. Germany then said something that would have surprised anyone.

"Italy, would you like me to take you out to get some p-pa-pasta?" he asked with a scared expression.

"No, but thank you Germany. I don't want any. I don't like pasta anymore." Italy looked dead still. Germany got worried and started shouting at him that he must like it. There were earthquakes happening all over the world. Volcanoes were erupting and tsunamis were occurring. Germany kept hearing a beeping noise. _Beep, beep, beep._ It just kept going.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Germany awoke with a start. He was scared so bad, that he thought that he would die. Italy, the pasta fanatic, not liking pasta? Absurd! He swore that he would never let that happen. Who knows what would happen to the earth. Poor Germany.

Moral of the story: Never give Italy grenades near Germany's house. If he blows it up and isn't able to have pasta for a few weeks, the world would end ad everyone would die.

**A/N: Woo-wee! I did it! I managed to figure out how this site works...you know, after I pulled out my hair and all that. Ha ha~! Jk, jk. Did everyone like my Surgeon General's Warning? I highly recommend that you heed this warning. Please rate and review and still be nice to me! I'm still new to this and I like nice comments!**


End file.
